Q: Our two kids are in elementary school and we want to start teaching them to handle money wisely. Do you have any advice?
Jim: One of the keys to such discussions is identifying your kids’ “money personalities.” It goes beyond whether they’re an introvert or extrovert and how they interact with people. Financial experts Scott and Bethany Palmer have identified five basic money personalities and say that children (and adults) each show two – primary and secondary:
• The “Saver.” Whether it’s cash or collecting rocks, savers hold on to stuff. That can be positive. But every so often you’ll probably have to encourage them to loosen their grip on their piggy bank for something worthwhile.
• The “Spender.” A cheap pack of gum or an expensive video game – they like to buy and crave instant gratification. Teach them to balance saving and spending, but understand they’ll still probably make some ill-advised money decisions.
• The “Security Seeker.” They plan for the future, save money for a rainy day and refuse to touch a penny until that day comes. Commend their careful planning while helping them learn to feel comfortable using their money for other things when appropriate.
• The “Risk-Taker.” They’re not emotionally attached to their stuff, so they won’t hesitate to jump at opportunities that come along. They can make great things happen – but they’re just as likely to buy on a whim. Help them channel that enthusiasm and learn to be strategic.
• The “Flyer.” They just don’t think much about finances. Relationships come first, so they typically see money as a tool to connect with others.
There’s no “one size fits all” method of teaching your children to handle money wisely. But understanding your son’s or daughter’s tendencies and money personality – and your own – can make navigating these issues a lot easier.
Q: I’ve heard that you say pornography is detrimental to people who engage with it. I know you consider it a moral issue, but personally I don’t see how it negatively impacts somebody like me who’s used it for years. My girlfriend doesn’t care, so where’s the harm?
Dr. Greg Smalley, vice president, Marriage & Family Formation: Well, the most obvious evidence is the measurable increase in sexual addictions accompanying the proliferation of online porn. Sexual addictions of every kind are becoming widespread – affecting men and women, boys and girls, from every age group and all walks of life.
We’re all created with a basic human craving for relationship, and we’re wired with the need to connect. Unfortunately, pornography offers a counterfeit and distorted form of intimacy and attachment. In fact, Juli Slattery and Linda Dillow, co-founders of Authentic Intimacy, report that studies show married couples under 30 are facing intimacy challenges that previous generations never had to confront – and a common, significant factor is pornography.
Many guys today have been “raised” on porn and become accustomed to the instant (but false) gratification. As a result, they often don’t know how to build an authentic sexual relationship with their wives.
Or they may not want to invest the effort needed to achieve true physical intimacy – especially since women generally require time to respond, and men can interpret it as personal failure when the woman doesn’t reciprocate immediately. That’s not to mention the sense of rejection and betrayal experienced by a wife or husband whose spouse is hooked on porn. (Pro tip: Your girlfriend might actually care more than you think she does.)
Recovery isn’t easy, and it takes time and hard work to develop healthy relationships. But help is available. Our staff of licensed and pastoral counselors would be happy to dialogue with anyone who may be struggling with – or affected by – pornography. Call 855-771-HELP (4357).
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.
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