Q: My father is aging, and his senses aren’t as sharp as they were – but he still insists on driving. I feel increasingly responsible to protect him (and others). Do you think I should take the car keys away? If so, when? And how?
Jim: This is a delicate situation that many of us have to face eventually. It’s awkward to assume the unnatural role of parenting your parent, especially given the context. Most of us, seniors included, associate driving with mobility, freedom and human contact. Losing that independence is hard.
While it’s easy to imagine worstcase scenarios, consider whether your dad’s driving might be affected by a short-term circumstance or the stress of significant life change. If so, try suggesting that he let someone else drive until things settle down.
Of course, it’s important that your father receives regular medical attention to discuss vision and hearing, medications (and potential side effects), possible chronic conditions, and any physical or cognitive impairments. In some cases, loss in these areas can be mitigated with treatment, modifications and education.
But – if it’s clear that it’s time to suspend your dad’s driving privileges, research alternatives before broaching the subject. Look into services from local agencies. Gather information on available public transportation, and be prepared to ride along till your dad feels comfortable.
When the moment of truth arrives, talk to your father respectfully about the options. Introduce the subject gently and give him every opportunity to hand over the keys on his own.
If that doesn’t work, you may have to play the bad cop – or enlist the help of your father’s doctor for that role. Your dad may resist, but you are responsible for ensuring his safety – and that of others on the road. Remember: The most loving action isn’t always the easiest.
Q: We have a four-year-old thief in our house! I suspect he’s just being irresponsible – that he puts things in his pocket and forgets about them. We’ve talked to him about why this behavior is wrong, but he keeps doing it. Help!?
Dr. Danny Huerta, vice president, Parenting & Youth: This isn’t an unusual behavior at this stage of a child’s development. It’s important to teach your son that stealing is selfish and hurtful to others. But note that kids this age usually learn better through experience rather than sermons.
Behavior gives us a glimpse into what may be going on at a deeper level. Asking questions in this situation presents an opportunity to learn about your child’s motivations and help guide him toward growth.
Set a goal of teaching your son the benefits of honesty and empathy at this early age. You can help him learn what it feels like when someone takes something from him that he values. Emphasize that the next time he takes an item you’ll take something from him. If it happens again, go into his room while he’s occupied elsewhere and remove one of his favorite toys. When he discovers it’s missing, talk about what it feels like to have something taken. Some kids will immediately change the behavior; some may continue to covet whatever they want. Be patient as you guide your child through these important teachable moments.
Also, if you discover your son has taken something that doesn’t belong to him, have him quickly return it and apologize to the person he took it from. You might even have him give the other person something tangible as “penance.” Teach the antidote of generosity as you work to help your child develop the essential and foundational trait of humility. Humility helps shape honest and trustworthy behaviors for years to come.
We have many more practical ideas and tips at FocusOnTheFamily.com/ parenting.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www. facebook.com/DalyFocus.
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