As I sit here in my office at my computer, it’s sometimes difficult to fathom I’ve been pounding the keys of a typewriter or keyboard professionally for about 39 years.
Oh the stories these fingertips have told since 1983, when I started as a fledgling editor with a fresh journalism degree leading a small newsroom of a daily paper in Western Kansas.
I hope and pray these fingers and this old, balding head on my shoulders have a few years left of working together to help produce all the news that’s fit to print.
But beyond that, there’s a longer version to this story. Please allow me to ramble a little. …
I’m a thinker … oftentimes an overthinker. And I’m an analyzer. I sort and organize just about anything I can, making lists, priorities and plans … and in the process produce worries and concerns that maybe shouldn’t always be there, or at least at the level that they’re present in my head.
Yeah, I know worrying or stressing never has added a day onto someone’s life, but it’s been a presence that just doesn’t always go away.
And that just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense since I know – I mean really know – God is in control of my life and everything around it and in it. That’s one of the key elements of true Christianity, and I am a true Christian.
Anyway, as I sit here and ponder my more than 60 years on this earth, I wonder if it’s autumn or winter for me in the seasons of life.
If spring was my youth and summer my prime, maybe the sun remains relatively high in the sky as the warmth of the day still can make me comfortable. Some days it feels like fall. On others, I’m sure winter has arrived.
But no matter the season, it’s gotten here rather quickly. Sometimes I still long for summer and the carefree days. Sometimes I even wish it was spring again.
It seems like yesterday or maybe the day before when Nancy and I got married and embarked on this incredibly wonderful journey together. I’ll call that my early summer, even though I was a pup of only 20 years when I said “I do.”
Yet in a way – a good way – it also seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years – and decades – went. I mean, I have daughters who are 36 and 33 years old and grandsons who already are 9 and 6.
Time flies – but it also can take its time.
I remember when I was a kid – in that springtime – thinking that “old” people were … oh … so … old. And I remember thinking my dad got old when he turned 50. Of course, that was in 1977, and I was 16 years old at the time.
Now, I have two nephews who are that old … and two sisters over age 70.
Way back then I just couldn’t fathom being older. Now that it’s here, well …
The late autumn or early winter of life has slowed me down … considerably. Despite losing almost 75 pounds a year and a half ago, I still walk with a limp, can’t really crawl on the floor anymore and naps have become a thing of pleasure – and a lot of times mandatory.
Remember, I’m the guy who for the first 50 years of life thought sleep can be a waste of time. Now, it’s a precious commodity, especially since I rarely – rarely – get a good night’s sleep.
Go back up to that overthinker part and the megastress of everyday work and life to figure that one out.
My routine now consists of daily doses of prescription medicine, annual colonoscopies, a lot more salads and walks or playing with the dog or the grandkids for my rounds of exercise instead of participating in team sports.
The only thing that really hasn’t changed is being a workaholic. I’m still putting in way too many hours like I always have – but it’s getting more difficult to do so.
Sometimes, even pausing to take a deep breath or two is difficult – even when it’s necessary.
Now, the purpose of this column is not to gain sympathy. Nope. I don’t go that route. It’s just a journalist sitting at his desk journaling … and thinking. …
So, if it’s still late in my autumn of life, I’ll enjoy the color of the season as best I can and as long as it lasts while preparing to winterize myself to the best of my ability.
If I’m already in winter, I welcome it and its challenges and the crispness it can bring, although winter also is the season of slowness and maneuvering carefully, especially when things get slick and treacherous.
Ah, yes … life in the twilight. There are so many things I still want to do, goals I still want to reach, things I want to cross off my bucket list. And, hopefully still down the road a ways I hope, I want to enjoy a retirement that rewards me for all these years of extra hard, hard work.
Honestly, I think I deserve it.
Yes, life does go by quickly, and we need to hang on to some of the special moments as they happen so it’s all not all just a blur.
And as I continue to write new chapters, in some ways I think I’m prepared for what lies ahead. But in others, I’m sure I’m not ready for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go the extra mile and do things that I wish I had done but never did.
But, I will remember that life is a gift, a special gift from God, even though it breezes by so quickly. And it’s up to each of us to make the best of what we have.
Today is the oldest I’ve ever been, and the youngest I’ll ever be for the rest of my life. And no matter what lies ahead, I need to make sure I take it with my strong faith in God front and center and remember that He, not me, is in control each and every step of the way.
Over the years, I’ve stumbled over myself so many times it’s not funny. No wonder I have those aches and pains, both physically and mentally, as the sun continues to set on my horizon.
Anyway, today is a new day. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow will get here soon enough.
But no matter the season, I truly mean it every week when I end this column in the same way: As always, thanks for reading.
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