Q: I’m concerned about how our daughter treats her husband. Most of the time she is disrespectful and mean to him. He’s a good, kind man but somewhat passive, so he just takes it from her. This situation upsets our entire family – how should I approach it?
Jim: This is a delicate scenario that will require careful thought – and quite likely some professional counsel. In considering your response, it’s important to view your daughter not as your child but as an adult peer. I’d also suggest you try to look at her and her husband as if they weren’t related to you. By taking this perspective, you’ll be less likely to inappropriately inject yourself into their relationship.
If you think your daughter would be open to hearing your concerns, talk to her about your feelings. Again, it’s critical that you approach the conversation as a caring friend and not a condemning parent. Share your thoughts about the importance of mutual respect in marriage as a general concept. If your daughter responds positively, you can discuss the problem further and offer ways you might be of encouragement and help.
However, if she still proves resistant, I’d recommend you ease off. In many cases, enlisting a trusted third party to whom your daughter might be more inclined to listen – a mutual friend or a pastor – could prove to be a more effective means of intervening.
Meanwhile, you might want to take the “my house, my rules” approach. You can’t dictate how she talks to her husband in general. But you can say: “In our home, we have a rule that everyone is to be treated with respect.” If your daughter refuses to comply, stop inviting her to family gatherings.
For more insights, I invite you to call staff counselors for a free consultation; the number is 855-771-HELP (4357).
Q: I’m worried that the transition from summer break to preparing for the school year will be difficult for my kids. How do I start building momentum to help my kids start off the new school year well?
Dr. Danny Huerta, vice president, Parenting & Youth: As kids head back to school, some look forward to seeing their friends again and beginning a new year of learning. But other kids dread the return to school for a variety of reasons, including the fear of rejection and/or failure.
Returning to school means a blitz of influences and messages your child will need to sift through as they search for meaning, worth and competence. As a result, it’s essential to build a foundation of communication within your family as you begin the new school year together.
Foundations begin with life-giving habits. One life-giving habit you can model and encourage for your home culture this school year is the “one thing a day” question. Ask yourself daily: “What is one thing I can do today to make this a better day for my spouse and/ or each of my children?”
Take the challenge to make one simple and consistent impact on your family. Here are a few ideas to help you get started.
• Leave a note on your spouse and children’s mirrors. You can use dry erase or write sticky notes and put them on the mirrors.
• Send an encouraging text or make an unexpected call to express your love.
• Ask them about something you know is important to them.
• Stop what you’re doing and carefully listen to what they have to say.
Commit to being consistent with this one question. It won’t be perfect, and some days will go better than others. But it will certainly be worthwhile.
For additional practical parenting tips, go to Focus OnParenting.com.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www. jimdalyblog.com or at www. facebook.com/DalyFocus.
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