Q: My husband just received a promotion that involves a short-notice relocation to another state. I’m concerned about the impact on our kids – how can we help them adjust to the move?
Jim: Moving to a new city is a significant life change that, for many children, can be almost as stressful as losing someone to death. That sense of loss often goes deeper than parents realize. Kids may struggle with anxiety about losing familiar surroundings, like their room, or have trouble leaving friends behind. Some children may express anger with parents for “forcing” such a drastic life change upon them.
Since your move is apparently happening over the summer, prioritize helping your kids find social connections before the new school year starts. Plug them into a church group, sports league or youth organization as soon as possible. Do as much as you can as a household to connect with other families, like neighbors or new co-workers. The faster the children develop some relationships, the sooner they’ll settle in and feel comfortable with their new surroundings.
On the emotional front, don’t minimize the changes that everyone in the family is experiencing. A generic “it will all work out” probably isn’t the best approach. Encourage your children to express their concerns and fears openly and honestly. And whatever you do, don’t ignore or downplay what they share. That will only increase their sense of isolation and frustration.
It’s normal for some children to experience a temporary regression in behavior after a move. They may act agitated or unusually irritable. You may see a drop in their grades. Watch closely, but don’t panic; they likely just need some time and space. Adjusting to their new situation could take a few weeks – or for some kids, several months – so be patient and understanding. But take heart: Life will eventually normalize again.
Q: Our family’s screen time is basically out of control right now. What are some concrete ways we can make real changes in this area?
Adam Holz, director, Plugged In: As a father of three teens and the director of Plugged In, I feel your pain. The phrase “screen time” looks innocuous. But those two simple words might be parents’ biggest challenge today. Let me suggest some practical strategies to make changes stick.
First, recognize that allor-nothing proclamations will likely fail. When you’re frustrated, it’s easy to announce, “We’re all getting off screens right now!” But like dieting and budgeting, making small, specific adjustments gives us an opportunity to gradually -- but effectively -- root out entrenched habits. We can get a “win,” then build on that momentum.
Such adjustments could include putting phones away at meals or identifying one day a week when we turn our phones off in the evening (one friend of mine has implemented “Tech-Free Tuesday” in his home). Even turning our phones off for just an hour combats tech’s sneaky tendency to suck up many waking moments. In fact, a recent study found that cutting screen time by an hour daily led to positive shifts in mental well-being.
Next, pay attention to your own screen-time habits as parents. If we want our kids to make changes, we have to be honest about our own compulsions and model the behavior we want to see.
Finally, if we’re asking our kids to dial back screen time, we also need to help them fill that time with something healthy and fun – like getting outside, exercising at the gym or setting up a family game night. Even if your kids roll their eyes a bit, you’ll be surprised how much they enjoy that time as a family once you begin to integrate intentional adjustments.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog. com or at www.facebook. com/DalyFocus.
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